Whether I am merging left, right, forward, or backwards in life, I am definitely verging on something…Insanity, Happiness, or possibly just plain Foolery. I have left my twenties behind and entered into my thirties, left my single life and entered into marriage, and left my sanity behind and entered into motherhood. I began all these life altering phases at once and it has left me a bit bewildered, overwhelmed, and sometimes lonely but often loved. I have no idea who I am anymore, as everything by which I identified myself is now the past, even my name.
Three weeks after my son was born, I had maybe a total of 20hrs sleep, a friend asked me how it felt being a mother and the only answer I had for her was that, “I am more myself now than I ever was before. I’m not trying to be anyone. I’m just living and trying to get through each day.” Now that may seem a bit bleak but until my son’s birth I didn’t even realize that I wasn’t being me. I found out more about myself in those early months of motherhood than I had the first 30 years of my life. Some of my discoveries so far are that I am far more capable of achieving and overcoming than I had ever given myself credit for in the past. I have much more compassion for others, seeing as I’ve always considered myself a bit of a stone cold black heart. I am more fearless and truly determined to be an example of success for my child rather than an excuse for his future bad behavior, and if he follows in his parent’s footsteps well then I’m just flat out fucked.
While I’ve tamed my antics a bit with my new role as mother and wife, my outspokenness, crude observation, and dark humor seem to have found themselves a new home here on the page. I am just going to play out my life’s ongoing saga for you. Enjoy!
Now, dance little monkey, Dance!
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